The Sad, Sad Life of Pimp Man
by Garrett Laytner
Summary: Be warned. I make fun of all the characters. If you like bright red hammerpants, and the destruction of a Michael Jackson Army, then please R&R!


NOTE: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA, HIS EARS, HAIR PRODUCT, OR HIS BRIGHT RED HAMMERPANTS.  
  
If you like bright red hammerpants, and the destruction of a Michael Jackson army, please R&R. I know its short, but hey, this is my story. Its rated R for crude humor, coarse language, and adult situations. Oh yeah, Naraku will not be mentioned in this story, but will be in the second episode of Pimp Man which I am currently working on. And be warned, the characters here do not act the same way the do on TV. Now, on with MY story.  
  
The Sad, Sad Life of Pimp Man  
By: Stoned Gir ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Characters ------------------- Inuyasha- The big pimp in this story. He never lets anyone get away with free hos.  
  
Shippo- He thinks he's Inuyasha's midget assistant pimp. He's Italian.  
  
Miroku- Inuyasha's best customer. He's been found in bed with Koga many times.  
  
Kagome- Inuyasha's new #1 ho.  
  
Sango- Inuyasha's #2 ho. She swings to the bisexual persuasion, and has a thing for old guys. She's also referred to as Liberacci.  
  
Sesshomaru- Inuyasha's rival pimp. He doesn't do as good as Inuyasha, because his assistant pimp is green, and he has 1 kid for a ho.  
  
Rin- Sesshomaru's kid ho.  
  
Jaken- Referred to as 'Poopy' in this story. Sesshomaru's assistant pimp. He secretly loves Sesshomaru. He's a green midget.  
  
Kikyo- Inuyasha's old bitch.  
  
Kaeda- Freaky old lady. Always thinks the kids are after her lucky charms.  
  
Koga- Always tries to get a ho.  
  
Naraku- An evil...thing that thinks he's a monkey. --------------------  
  
Unfortunately, this story starts out with Inuyasha and Koga arguing about hos...again.  
  
Koga: "Please, please, please let me have a ho tonight."  
  
Inuyasha: "Fuck no bizzizle. You ain't got no money."  
  
Koga: "But I needs me some pleasure."  
  
Inuyasha: "Bizzizle, you ain't got no money for no ho. Get out of here before I man-whore, he-bitch, pimp slap you!"  
  
Koga: "But-"  
  
Inuyasha: "Shippo! Get me my powder!"  
  
Shippo: "Yes Pimp Man! Yay! This is, how you say, getting off the heezy!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Shut up Shippo, your just an idiot."  
  
*Inuyasha puts his hand in the powder and slaps Koga*  
  
Inuyasha: "Who's the bizzizle now?"  
  
Koga: "I am Pimp Man."  
  
Inuyasha: "Damn rightizzle. Now get the fizzizle out of hizzizle before I gezzizle after your azzizle."  
  
Koga: *Gasps* "Only kids in public schools say that! I'm outie."  
  
*Koga runs away like a girl*  
  
Shippo: "You, uh, how you say, showed him Pimp Man."  
  
Inuyasha: "Shut up Frenchy! Where's my new bitch? These hammerpants aren't gonna take themselves off!"  
  
*~End of Scene 1~*  
  
*~Scene 2~*  
  
Narrator: "Inuyasha and Kagome are in bed, both with lit cigarettes. All of a sudden, Kaeda runs in.  
  
Kaeda: "Pimp Man! You must save me lucky charms!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Can't you sizzizle that it's hammertime!"  
  
Kaeda: "And Sesshomaru stole Liberacci!"  
  
Inuyasha: "The muzzizle?"  
  
Kaeda: "No. Ho number 2."  
  
Inuyasha: "WHATIZZLE!? Gimme my hammerpants devil woman, Sesshomaru's out of control!"  
  
*Inuyasha runs outside*  
  
*~End of Scene 2~*  
  
*~Scene 3~*  
  
Narrator: "Sesshomaru is now talking to Liberacci."  
  
Sesshomaru: "The musician?"  
  
Narrator: "No. Ho number 2."  
  
Sesshomaru: "Ahh..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sango: "What do you want from me Grampa?"  
  
Sesshomaru: "I'm not Grampa!"  
  
Sango: *All sad like* "Ohhh....."  
  
Sesshomaru: "Anyways, the reason I kidnapped you, was because my business is really bad."  
  
Sango: "How bad is it?"  
  
Sesshomaru: "It's so bad Hanson makes more moneys than me."  
  
*Insert joke drum sound thingy here*  
  
Sesshomaru: "As I was saying, you never get any customers when one kid is your ho."  
  
Sango: "Why don't you get any real hos?"  
  
Sesshomaru: "You know how hard it is getting a ho with a green midget as assistant pimp?!"  
  
Sango: "Oh, Okay. But Pimp Man will save me. He never loses money Grampa."  
  
Sesshomaru: "I'm not Grampa! Now, where is me Poopy?"  
  
Jaken: "Right here, Sir!"  
  
*Jaken's thinking 'Oooh, I love it when he takes charge.'*  
  
Sesshomaru: "Get me Kaeda. I have something that I must do to the senior citizen."  
  
*Jaken is just staring at Sesshomaru lovingly*  
  
Sesshomaru: "What are you staring at?"  
  
Jaken: "Uh, nothing, Sir!"  
  
*Jaken is thinking 'Oh he's so dreamy!'*  
  
*~End of Scene 3~*  
  
*~Scene 4~*  
  
Narrator: "On his way to rescue Sango, Inuyasha runs into Kikyo, his old bitch, and Koga."  
  
Inuyasha: "That stupid bizzizle. When I catch him, I'm going old school on his azzizle!"  
  
Kikyo: "Yay! Pimp Man has come back for me!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Shut yer cake hole, Llama! Yo' da' werst ho I's eva had!"  
  
Koga: "Hey! She's my ho now, bitch!"  
  
Inuyasha: "I don't want her!"  
  
Koga: "No, you can't have her!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Your not letting me throughizzle, are ya?"  
  
Koga: "Bitch! She's my ho!"  
  
*Koga runs to Inuyasha, like a little schooly girl, ready to sissyfight*  
  
Inuyasha: "Damn. Now I've gotta kick yo' ass, old school style."  
  
Shippo: "Holy Pimp shit pig Man!"  
  
Inuyasha: "It's holy pig shit, Pimp Man, you damned Chinese midget."  
  
Shippo: "I'm Italian!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Ah, shut up and go back to France, you Mexican."  
  
Koga: "Any last hos for you, SWEAT Man?"  
  
Inuyasha: "...Olsen Twins."  
  
*Inuyasha transforms into a demon*  
  
Inuyasha: "Olsen Twins?!...ORGY!!!!!"  
  
*Inuyasha runs to Koga and starts dry humping the hell out of his leg*  
  
Koga: *In pain* "Damn...I lost...I'm the *ouch* bizzizle now."  
  
Inuyasha: "Damn straightizzle."  
  
*~End of Scene 4~*  
  
*~Scene 5~*  
  
Narrator: "Inuyasha tries to get Sango back."  
  
*Inuyasha birsts into Sesshomaru's headquarters, Peterland*  
  
Inuyasha: "Alright bizzizle, gimme back my- Oh! That is not right!"  
  
*Inuyasha starts to puke*  
  
Sesshomaru: "What's so gross? That I have fun with senior citizens?"  
  
Inuyasha: "Hells no. What's that green thing?"  
  
Sesshomaru: "My assistant pimp."  
  
Inuyasha: "Thats gross."  
  
Sesshomaru: "Would you like to pet my Poopy?"  
  
Inuyasha: "Oh hell no!"  
  
Sesshomaru: "Poopy! Attack!"  
  
*Jaken puts his fingers up to his forehead to look like horns*  
  
Jaken: "Moo! Moo! I'm voodoo cursing you!"  
  
*Inuyasha is just staring at Jaken*  
  
Sesshomaru: "Damn, that always works. Um, uh...My Michael Jackson Army! Attack!"  
  
Army: "Hola! Hola!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Oh no you don't. I summon Tetsusaiga! Sword of Power or something..."  
  
*Inuyasha takes the Tetsusaiga out of its sheath, but it turns into a pinecone*  
  
Inuyasha: "What the fuck?"  
  
*Inuyasha tosses the pinecone at the army. They all fall down, dead*  
  
Inuyasha: "...Well, that worked."  
  
Sesshomaru: "Darn the luck. Dran, darn, darn the luck."  
  
Jaken: "Don't worry Sir! You still have me!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Gimme my ho back!"  
  
Sesshomaru: "Fine. You killed my Army of Jacksons. I don't even wanna live anymore."  
  
Inuyasha: "And my money, bizatch!"  
  
Sesshomaru: "Okie dokey."  
  
*Sesshomaru takes out a coin purse and gives Inuyasha money*  
  
Sango: "Pimp Man! You saved me!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Bitch! When we get home, its hammertime!"  
  
*~End of scene 5~*  
  
*~Scene 6~*  
  
Narrator: "Inuyasha and Sango get home for hammerttime, but find Miroku and Koga in bed."  
  
Inuyasha: "What the hell!"  
  
Miroku: "Hey! Turn dat' light off!"  
  
Inuyasha: "Koga! You owes me money bitch! Or else yo' my new bitch!"  
  
*Koga gives money to Inuyasha*  
  
Koga: Damn...I'm still the bitch."  
  
Inuyasha: "Get my new bitch! It's hammertime!"  
  
*Kagome, Sango, and Miroku all start licking and sniffing each other, except for Inuyasha, who starts dry humping the hell out of Miroku's leg*  
  
END  
  
And there you have it, my first ever story. I hope you like it about as much as I did when I wrote it. The Sad, Sad Life of Pimp Man Number 2 should be here shortly. Um....CHICKEN!!! 


End file.
